To all the dear saints in Christ,
May I start out by saying I feel the
whole “open letter” concept is really cheesy, but it seems to get
people's attention. You are reading this after all. I would try
another format, but I'm not really sure another way to get this out
to you. Thank you for reading this and passing it along because I
truly believe what I'm about to write is important for your to read,
but I've been know to be pretty egotistical so take that for what you
like.
Let me introduce myself. My name is
Jason and I'm a 28 year old redeemed homosexual man. Redeemed,
reformed, former, I'm not really sure what words to use. I've found
myself attracted to men for as long as I can remember. I keep
thinking that I've moved passed it, but then someone catches my eye
or a lustful thought crosses my mind and I feel like I'm right back
where I've always been.
My story is a little different from
most. I grew up in church and considered myself a Christian from a
very young age. I never lived openly as homosexual though I admit to
sexual sin and about three and a half years ago I decided to “come
out of the closet.” Well not exactly as openly gay, but as
Christian dealing with that sin. I had no reason to do so. I could
have gone my entire life without telling anyone, but I wanted to try
to give hope to others and glory to God. I was interested in ministry
and the whole Ted Haggard incident had recently taken place. I
figured if I tried to be open about my sin I could never bring such
shame to the gospel.
I told everyone by making a really
cruddy YouTube video. I thought it would be so straight forward, but
as was making it I just began weeping over my own sin. Of course,
homosexual persons on YouTube have used my tears to tell me how
miserable Christianity is. They have no clue about the joy that comes
from a broken repentance before Christ.
I had no idea what people's reaction
would be to the video. I fully expected to lose friends and I
wouldn't have even been surprised if I was asked to leave my local
church. I think we always assume the worst so we can take comfort
when it is only a little rough. To my amazement though I had never
felt such loving acceptance. Almost universally their was a great
appreciation for the honesty of the video. Sure some morons online
attacked me, both Christian and homosexual persons, but that was
nothing compared to the love of Christ poured out in my local church.
Telling my story gave me opportunity to share the gospel of Christ
with thousands of others online and I was even given an hour on a
local secular station (many thanks to the Dave Glover show for the
opportunity and the way you handled all sides of the topic).
Telling people online was much easier
than in person. Even tough I've never been openly shunned I always
notice an unconscious crossing of the arms and step back so they can
protect themselves. Yea, I watched the entire series of Lie to Me and
notice these things.
I guess I should also tell you that I'm
a fat guy. You're welcome to use big, chunky, thick or “run for the
hills before he eats us” if you're uncomfortable with the F word.
I'm certain God used that for my own good in keeping me from sexual
sin, but it certainly didn't help growing up gay.
I went to public school and that was
the closest thing to Hell on earth as one can get. I was kid that
regularly ate lunch alone or with a teacher as I pretended to have
some project to work on for another class. I'm pretty sure that
teacher was a lesbian and didn't buy my excuse, but she never said
anything. It is sad that out of all the Christian teachers in my
school the only one I felt accepted by was probably not.
Having such a clear view of my sin
without a proper understanding of the gospel led to major bouts with
depression in high school. I clearly remember taking a knife multiple
times and holding it to my wrist. By God's grace, I never went
through with it.
Suicide is not about hurting yourself
or even relieving pain though. At least it wasn't when I considered
it. It was a warped since of revenge and justice. I remember thinking
how sorry they would be when I was gone and how “that would show
'em.” And it might have, but we all know teenagers are really dense
and self-absorbed so it would have been generally put out of their
minds within a week. It really really wasn't worth it. Of course
nothing is worth taking your life over. Especially when you realize
it isn't yours anyway.
Even as a Christian, completely
confident in the saving and transforming work of Christ, I think we
all find it easy to focus on the sin in our lives. That can be a good
thing as long as it leads us to repentance and trusting more in
Christ, but it can also lead to an inward focus on self that is not
godly.
As much as I remember and battle my
flesh in a continuing repenting spirit, I must also remember I have a
new nature. I know that I am not just forgiven and washed clean, but
I've been covered in the righteousness of Christ. I am not just a
servant of my Sovereign, but I am an adopted child of my King. I am
an heir to God and a co-heir with Christ.
I am so much more than I used to be. I
don't need to look for a self-image to bring me out of depression I
need to look at the God-image I was created in and restored (and
more) to in Christ.
Well that is my story and I'm sticking
to it, but it wasn't what I wanted to write to you about today. I
wanted to right to you about how the Church can and should respond to
homosexual persons.
I love the Church. I don't just mean my
local church (though I adore all the saints that make it up), but I
mean the Church universal, the whole body of Christ. As much as I
love it though I see the response and reaction to the homosexual
persons to be off and often sinful.
People in general find it easy to fall
into extremes. Either they come off as hating homosexual persons or
as overly accepting of their sin. I understand that.
Homosexuality isn't just any sin. The
Scripture does refer to it as an abomination just like idols,
arrogance, dishonesty, murder, cheating customers, and those who sow
discord. As much as some like to say that “sin is sin” it does
seem to hold a special category. Of course we understand that all sin
is and should be punished by God's wrath in Hell, but we can't deny
certain things are more grievous to the Lord.
It is also a sin that committed against
one's own body. While all other sins are committed outside the body,
sexual sins are committed against our own body.
And of course it is a sin that is being
shoved down society's throat on television and politics as many
strive to make it appear as just another preference like chocolate or
vanilla ice cream.
So how does one respond to this in a
Christlike matter?
First, we realize who we all are with
and without Christ. If God had not changed our hearts we would likely
be just as sinful. It is only the common grace of God that keeps both
Christians and non-Christians from being so much more wicked in deed
than we act upon.
Second, we must repent for being such a
terrible example in personal conduct and marriage. The greatest thing
we can do is not go before the masses in protest, but to go before
them on bended knee in repentance (with our Chick-fil-A sandwiches of
course).
Third, we must be open and even blunt
about how God views sin. Sin is so despicable to God that not only do
we deserve Hell, but it took God the Son, Jesus the Christ, to suffer
the perfect wrath of God the Father to forgive His people. That must
never be taken lightly.
Fourth, we cannot expect full
transformation. Yes, the moment we come to Christ we are justified
and seen as perfectly righteous by God. And yes, one day we will be
glorified and perfected, but today we are still being sanctified and
becoming more like Christ. As much as I wish it were instantaneous it
isn't. At times it is a slow process that may be three steps forward
and one step back. Some days I look back over a few weeks and realize
there is no progress, but when I look back over the years I can see
how far my God has brought me.
The key is not to look at the moment or
the last sprint, but the full track and to keep our eyes upon Christ,
the object of my faith. Then I can run with endurance and finish the
race.
Fifth, always be full of grace. When I
came to Christ, I realize now I knew nothing about being a man,
especially a man of God. Even though I was raised in the church I was
never taught many of those things. I had to change and fight certain
effeminate characteristics and those that have never been in the
church will need even more patience. We must also understand the
difference between modern day manhood and biblical manhood. I'm still
not into most sports and that is perfectly fine (though I do love the
St. Louis Cardinals and Blues Hockey).It is much more important to
see proper examples of godly husbands and fathers. It is extremely
important to be surrounded with male friendships centered on Christ.
Sixth, we must realize that there is
probably some past event that has occurred to motivate this sin. I
get asked a lot of I think people are born gay. The truth is I have
no clue. I know from Scripture that we are sinful from conception and
that sin does effect the body. Whether you're born gay or not does
not give the excuse to sin. My personal belief is that we are all
born with a bent toward certain sin and that our environment helps
shape that.
I read a great book a while back called
“Washed and Waiting” by Wesley Hill where he mentions that there
seem to be three things found in most homosexual persons. It can be
one of these or all three.
Sexual molestation or rape as a
child.
An early introduction to
pornography. - More and more common with the internet.
A warped or non-existent relation
with one's father.
I experienced all three of these and
found it to be true in most homosexual persons I've spoken with. For
females who consider themselves gay or bisexual it has inevitably
been that they experienced rape or molestation at some point from
those I've spoken with and for some it had even been forgotten as
they tried to guard against the trauma.
Overcoming such past events is not easy
and can requires a patient heart.
Seventh, watch the gay jokes. I'm not
trying to be political correct, but I am trying to be honest. I don't
personally mind most such jokes, but we must remember that we are
talking about sin and it should not be taken lightly. We must also
remember that we don't know who is around us that may be hurt. Since
many people don't realize my past I hear “smear the queer” type
jokes all the time.
The most hurtful one happened several
years ago on the Fourth of July. I was outside at a church event and
standing around with several folks discussing politics when the
pastor's wife made the comment, “I believe we should let
homosexuals join the military. That way they can go over to Iraq and
die.” Everyone around her laughed and I chuckled so as not to be
“found out,” but the truth is that I was weeping inside. I
thought to myself, “that is the heart of it. If they knew the truth
about me they'd want me dead.” That is not what they really wanted,
but it certainly felt like it to me.
Yes, the Bible describes those outside
of Christ and in open rebellion as enemies of God, but it also says
to love your enemy. We miss the last part.
Eighth, remember that politics don't
change hearts and minds, the gospel does. I love politics. I just
returned from some activist training. I think Christians must take a
lead in politic forums, but I also realize that it is no match for
the transforming power of the gospel.
Only the gospel changes hearts. As a
matter of fact that is exactly what God does for someone to respond
to the gospel. He takes their sinful heart of stone and gives them a
new heart of flesh. How glorious is our God that He would save a
wretch like me!
If you want to stop homosexual marriage
and the indoctrination of the nation well the answer isn't found it
in the courthouse, or the voting booth. It is found in sharing with
your neighbor, praying with your children, witnessing to the
stranger, and caring for the orphan. The answer is found in laying
down your life and your rights and picking up your cross and telling
a nation that there is true hope and change, but it isn't found
Washington, or at the bottom of a bottle, or in the bed of a
stranger. True hope is found only in the eternal son whose name is
Jesus Christ.
That is the message that changes the
world. That is how you respond to the homosexual person. That is the
love you show to a world that hates and despises you.
And when we respond like that then it
doesn't really matter what they think or say, because in that we have
given honor and glory to our King.
Thanks for taking the time to read this
and pass it on. May the grace of God be seen in it and may He be made
famous.
To God alone be the glory,
Jason